My list of must read books grows every day. My list of books I am reading or have read does not grow every day. Thus I am starting to feel overrun by books I want to read. I feel like I am surrounded by people who devour 2-6 books a week. It amazes me. I can’t help but wonder what their secret is, how they are able to run their lives and keep on all their reading, and I am thoroughly jealous.
I admit, I use to be a much more veracious reader, but since my third child I keep feeling I am falling further and further behind. Not just in reading but everything around me: house work, laundry, kids homework—I don’t know why this third child has taken me so long to recover from, I mean he’s one now and I’m still feeling like I haven’t got my routine down yet. Hmm, maybe in the next eighteen years I’ll figure something out. I hope.
After reading Laurie’s post I feel kind of selfish going on and on like this, but I think sometimes it’s healthy to vent as well. That’s all I’m doing, venting and longing for more time to myself. I think heaven would be a place that I can sit down to read a book and no one will bother me until the chapter break. Or, I can sit and read and no one flushes toothbrushes down the toilet, unrolls the whole roll of toilet paper and rips it into tiny shreds, and dumps liquid fabric softener on my shoes while I spend ten minutes reading. Or even better, heaven will be a place that, when my kids are asleep, I have nothing else that has to get done, (i.e. laundry, cleaning, dishes, yard work) and I can sit back in a spotless home, with sweet silence and do what ever I want, (sleep, write, read) without feeling an ounce of guilt.
I love my kids but I admit I dream of a time when all my kids are in school and I have six hours a day to do whatever I need to/want to. Or a time when I have a husband that comes home before 9:00 at night, and has energy to help with the kids and give me a break. Or a husband who is home on weekends…. Someday.
But for now, I’m going to focus on the fact that someday I will have hours to myself and I will miss my kids and long to hold and cuddle a baby. So I’m going to love my kids, and cherish ever smile, ever temper tantrum, every second I get to be surrounded by them—the most precious things that I love. I will remember that they will grow and that one day I will no longer be a young mom. When I think of it that way it makes me sad and I find myself pulling my little ones closer, kissing them why they still let me kiss them and treasure every second that I have with them.
6 comments:
You're not alone. I feel all this, too. But I end up differently. Instead of cuddling the kids close, I yell, "Go upstairs and watch Dora!!!" and then proceed to come and check out the blogs, dirty dishes be... well, you know. :)
I would love to read more books and less blogs.
I am glad you do see the good in your life too. Good post!
My secret to reading so much is that after a few chapters I know I will walk into toilet paper everywhere, eggs broken in the kitchen, coloring on the walls but I guess it is a trade off I have decided is worth it! I am also the queen of vent :-) It's good for ya! Thats why I love blogs, sisters, and good girlfriends!
You guys rock, thanks for all the great comments, you make me feel so good!
Juliana's right... you aren't alone! It IS hard to find any "me" time. I think it is so sweet that you recognize it for what it is though. That even though it can be hard, we never will get these days back.
My tricks for reading time are...I bring my books with me in the car. Then I read while I'm waiting for kids, which I do all the time! Then I also sacrifice my sleep for reading. It's the only time to have peace and quiet...especially when Kirk is out of town and I don't sleep well anyway!
I think you are great, and an awesome mom!
Just wanted to note that I have 52 to read books on my goodreads page. That is pathetic!!! You have read more this past month than I have so count yourself lucky. One day we will just sit and read. Isn't that what the baby sit trade is for? (Like I am one to talk, I have yet to spend my time reading, but one day!)
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